It does not matter when divorce happens, it is never a pleasant experience. But if you are dealing with divorce around Valentine’s Day, the hearts, flowers, and candy partnered with the focus on love and couples can be painful and isolating.
No matter how bad the heartache of a fresh divorce is, being divorced can be the perfect time for growth and fun, and what better time to begin than Valentines day? The holiday that is all about love can be your day to love yourself, to begin to transform yourself and start a new life full of possibilities, successful relationships, and positive experiences.
To help motivate you to start anew and not spend this holiday thinking about your past, Bedlam Law has put together some Valentine’s Day survival tips for people who have just gone through or are going through a divorce:
1. Treat yourself.
No matter what your relationship status is, do not wait for someone else to buy you a gift. You know what makes you happy, flowers can uplift a soul and make your home cozy, so buy yourself flowers, go to a spa, get a massage. Whatever it is that makes your heart happy, indulge yourself in. Everyone deserves a little pampering and gifting yourself will ensure that the gift will always be perfect and fit just right.
2. Throw yourself a party.
February is in the middle of winter — often gray, overcast, dreary, and cold. It is a great month to plan a party, which will also take your mind off the focus on the couple-centered holiday in the middle of it. Valentine’s Day does not have to be centered around couples. If you have children, you can have a party for children and adults with lots of pink sweets on a weekend. Or you can have an adults-only party to beat the February blues. Unfortunately, due to Covid-19, you need to keep the guest list to the bare minimum, but weather you host a party at home or organize an outing, you can make this an annual, alternative, festive event for friends who may also feel left out of Valentine’s Day. Do not forget to practice social distancing and provide masks and hand sanitizer for your guests.
3. Take charge of your choices.
Although getting divorced can be very painful, it is also a great opportunity to take charge of your life and decide what happens next. That can be incredibly powerful and help you move from a sense of victimization and/or a sense of loss to thriving in your life. Taking charge of small things like how the furniture is arranged in your home, what time you eat your meals, and what TV show you watch, can bring enormous satisfaction when you do not have to try to please someone else.
4. Be gentle with yourself.
Valentine’s Day can provide an opportunity to treat yourself with the love and kindness you would bestow upon a dear friend. Surround yourself with positive energy and people who bring you joy. It is amazing how much lonelier you can feel in a bad relationship than when you are alone.
5. Give yourself a financial checkup.
While not necessarily romantic, it is an important and powerful step to develop a financial plan to provide you with a realistic picture of your current income and current expenses. This will help you develop a budget and provide a guideline to staying on track and living within your means. A financial plan will also give insight as to what your financial future may look like. This may inspire you to set future financial goals and aid you in developing a strategy to achieve your goals.
6. Update post-divorce documents.
Focus on your future and best interests and update beneficiary info on documents such as life insurance, will, trusts, POA’s, health care directives, retirement accounts, investment accounts, and transfer on death accounts like your brokerage or savings accounts. But take note: Prior to making changes, review your divorce decree or consult with your attorney to confirm that there are no restrictions on changing beneficiaries.
Bedlam Law is a family law firm in Yukon, Oklahoma. For 30 years, we have been helping Oklahomans with all the above, well, maybe not the spa and massage, but we can refer you to a good one. With your best interests at heart, we take a resolution minded approach, instead of dragging things out in a court room, which will lessen the amount of mental strain on you, while saving you time and money. We specialize in Divorce, Child Custody, Order Modifications, Child Support and Alimony, as well as Estate Planning and all that it encompasses.
If you want to start a new life for yourself and want to make this Valentines Day your pivotal point, give us a call, we can help. 405.232.2444See all videos